i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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