dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
