Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
