someone threw a dead crab at me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize