Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
