i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
