I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize