I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
