I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
