my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
