You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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