her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
