the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
