Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
