Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
