so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I supernannyed him into submission
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
