hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
