I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize