your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
