I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
