one might say we're banned from that church
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
