i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
