At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
