Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
