I hate all girls vehemently.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
