Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
