I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
