He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
