3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
