And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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