Cold hands, warm shart.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize