Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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