he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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