I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm passing your future prison.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
