I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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