This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
