My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We named our party play list daddy issues
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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