Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
