I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
