apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
