So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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