i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
