dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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