I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
