Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize