she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize