ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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