The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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