note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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