Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize