apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
