That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
