just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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