just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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