Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize