I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
