i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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