you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
