Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
