Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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