Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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