If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize