yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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