Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
