Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
