Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
