he thought i was a dude.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
