My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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