is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
