I am in a vortex of obligation.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
